Wednesday, 31 December 2008

• hell vs. Heaven? it's the same whether or not you're single or in a relationship

  i wrote this on my other xanga site, but that one's completely private. so i decided to make a blog here so see your reactions....
  
  

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  WHY does everything have to be so hard? people are always saying, "oh yea. it's GREAT being single! you take care of yourself; you don't have to be worried about what the significant other is doing; you don't exactly have to be worried about how you act and what you're doing; you don't have to waste money on someone else; you get to spend more time with friends; girls/guys are bitches/assholes anyways...." blah blah blah and shit like that. but in reality, they're just trying to cover up the fact that they're actually sad being alone and that they don't want to be alone. people try to put up masks that show how happy they are trying to be without someone. they roll their eyes at the happy couples that pass by, but what they're really thinking is, "i want someone to be happy with." especially after you've been in a relationship, you're trying to either go back to the one you messed up with to get another chance OR you're trying to find someone else new. even though it's just a rebound or whatever, you're still trying to find someone...
  
  ....just that one person you connect with and you can feel completely yourself with. that one person who can make you smile in your crappiest mood. that one person you feel comfortable with just sitting there in silence without it being awkward or tense. that one person who you feel completely safe around and can actually trust holding your heart in his/her hands...
  
  everyone is trying to find that one person. if you're a good and genuine single person, i'm sure you'll be trying to find that one.
  
  on the other hand, you're in a relationship and things are just as hard. either you're in the wrong relationship [in the words of Dane Cook, a "relationshit"], then the couple is always fighting and hurting each other in some way. it doesn't have to be physical of course..but it can be mentally..emotionally..stuff like that. the thing with me is, though, i highly doubt that i'm in a "relationshit." 2 years going strong so far and things generally are good. the boy makes me happy..and i try my hardest to make him happy, too. sure, we fight, but doesn't everyone? it's normal. and we don't fight 50% or more of the time, so...that's obviously good, too. but anyways...once you find that one, why doesn't things ever get easier? everything just seems more like a test to see if you're made for each other or if you're duds, to see if you can make it or just give up and move on. i hate it. why is it that when you find that one, nothing is ever, EVER easier? everything seems like it's getting more complicated and harder. when you have to say "see you later" [for i REFUSE to say "goodbye"], it hurts like fucking HELL because you can't bear to watch that person walk away from you. when you're in a fight, it feels like you can't be able to get out of it..though in the end you [[usually] do. and with everything else...everything, the world, just always seems to be against you. like there's absolutely nothing or no one on your side. just...everything and everyone in the world is absolutely against you.........
  
  ...but what keeps you going is that feeling of not letting go of each other. you don't want to lose that part of yourself. that part that understands you and loves you for exactly who you are and not who or what you're trying to be. what is that feeling..love? why is it that once you find love....everything, EVERYTHING is harder...?
  
  ....why does it seem like you're walking through hell more than in Heaven?
  
  or is all of that shit just telling you that you're with the wrong person...?

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• why does it seem like you're walking through hell more than you're walking in Heaven?

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